


a study in breath

by choose_joy



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:21:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22920907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choose_joy/pseuds/choose_joy
Summary: lucretia has a secret. it's not like she meant to keep it, or that it's even really a secret. it just is.sometimes we end up having to talk about our secrets.
Relationships: The Director | Lucretia & Taako
Comments: 11
Kudos: 70





	a study in breath

**Author's Note:**

> this work contains descriptions of past self harm. please read responsibly.

There are some things you just don’t tell people. Not because they’re shameful, necessarily, but they just don’t come up naturally. The fact that you had to take your driving proficiency exam three times, or the story of why your front teeth overlap even though you wore braces for 3 years, or why you know all the lyrics to every fantasy Norah Jones song.

It's not like you avoid the conversations. They’re all old stories, and they don’t have a major bearing on your life anymore. What’s done is done, and all that. Still, sometimes the truth bubbles to the surface in unexpected, ugly conversations.

Such is the case with Lucretia.

5 years after the Day of Story and Song, there’s a celebration-- an anniversary party of sorts. It's just their little (well, sort of little) family: the birds, of course, and their respective partners and children, and a few close friends. All gathered on Bottlenose Cove, all enjoying the copious finger foods ( _“made by Lup and Taako, natch”_ ), all soaking up the glorious heat of the height of summer.

Like any good beach party, the group slowly spreads out as the sun reaches its zenith: Lup and Barry have challenged Magnus and Carey to a chicken fight in the clear blue ocean, Angus has been corralled by Mavis and Mookie into making a spectacular sandcastle, and Kravitz is deep in discussion with Merle, Davenport, and Killian, for some unknown reason.

Which leaves Lucretia and Taako.

Their relationship over the past 5 years has been rocky, to say the least. Taako didn’t speak to her until year 2, and even then it was _“only because Lup wanted you at Candlenights”_. It wasn’t until year 4 that they could handle a couple hours on their own (usually involving Lucretia curled up on the couch with a book while Taako cooked in the kitchen). That said, their relationship was still far from perfect. Taako would likely never truly forgive her, and even if he did, it was unlikely she’d forgive herself. 

So when Taako voluntarily laid his towel next to Lucretia (optimally placed under the shade of a palm tree a little ways down the beach, away from the others enough so that she could focus on the sketchbook in her hands without getting distracted every five seconds), it’s a bit of a shock, certainly. 

“Jeezy creezy, it's hot,” the elf states, flopping down on the brightly patterned towel he’s just placed, “you’ve got the right idea sitting in the shade.”

Lucretia lets out a little chuckle as she places the sketchbook to the side, before wiping her brow with the back of her hand, “I know, it's almost like it's summer or something.”

With a snort, Taako shoves her shoulder goodnaturedly. “Why’ve you still got this big ol’ number on, then? Isn’t like we haven’t all seen you in less.”

And that’s the problem, isn’t it? Her family, they’ve all seen her in less... almost 20 years ago. When she was still a young woman, when they all lived in each other’s pockets for 100 years, when her body reset every cycle. Sure, the years haven’t been kind to any of them; even Lup, trapped in an umbrella for 12 years, bears dozens of new marks across her skin: little burn marks on her fingertips from deep-frying some catfish, a pink pucker where the very end of her left eyebrow should be (a fight with one of her bounties gone a little sour), a chipped tooth from a missed stair.

_There’s nothing wrong with scars,_ she reasons to herself, _but this is too much_.

She must have waited for too long to respond, because Taako looks at her quizzically before his eyes land on her hand, resting protectively over the space just below the crease of her torso and right leg. Shit. Her hand flinches, reflexively, barely noticeable, but it's too late. He’s certainly seen it.

His eyes fly back to her face, searching. She thinks she keeps it impassive, but clearly he finds whatever he’s looking for, because his face takes on a serious air to it as he pulls back a little bit, air hissing out between his teeth as he breathes out.

“Oh,” is his only response.

“Yeah,” is hers. 

They sit in silence for a few moments, looking across the beach at their little family. Angus has lost his hat to a sandman that looks... a little bit like him, and Mookie has joined Magnus and Lup in the water, initiating a splash war for the ages. Barry has resorted to sneaking a few more bites of the mac and cheese balls, knowing Lup will yell at him the second he’s caught eating the dairy-filled treats.

Silently, Taako removes his shirt, stripping down to just his swim trunks. When he clears his throat, Lucretia looks over to see him lower the waistband of his shorts, just a bit. Just to below his hipbone. Just low enough to expose a thick white scar, as long as his hand.

“You?” she breathes out.

“Yeah,” he sighs, “after Sazed. Before Craig’s List. I didn’t-- I wasn’t. But yeah. A few times. Same place, easy to explain away when you’re an adventurer.”

Lucretia expels all the air in her lungs that she’s been holding since they started this conversation before she says: “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault, Creesh,” is his swift reply, “5 years ago I might’ve said it was, but... it wasn’t. This one was all Taako.”

“Does Kravitz know?” she asks.

“Yeah,” in the easy response, “told him a few years back when he asked. Ango too, when he told me he was having a rough time.” He takes a deep breath before saying the next sentence: “It’s not a shameful thing. It's not a good thing but... that shouldn’t stop you from having fun.” Quieter, he says, “None of us will judge you, you know.”

She nods, silent, before turning back to the group. Minutes pass as they gaze onto their loved ones, watching them playing and letting loose in a way that wasn’t possible a decade ago.

Slowly, quietly, she removes her cover up. She places the lace dress to the side, keeping her eyes firmly trained on the others. She doesn’t miss the way Taako’s eyes glint over her body, taking note of the little purple lines that litter her dark upper thigh, and the twin lines that lie horizontal to her elbows, just below the crease, almost as if they were an extension of the fold. She doesn’t miss the whoosh of air that comes from his lungs, and she doesn’t miss the stuttered inhale that comes after.

What she doesn’t expect is for arms to wrap around her, holding her close to his chest. They haven’t touched in years, decades. Not like this, not like siblings. She lets out a shaky sigh and leans back, melting into his touch.

“I love you, Creesh. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being mad at you, but you’re my sister and _I love you,_ ” and oh god, she can hear the wetness in his voice, and she can feel the prickle of tears behind her eyes, and-- “and if you ever tell anyone I’ll deny it until the day I die and probably after, but god Creesh. I love you. And I’m sorry.”

And what do you say to that? What do you say to your brother, who hated you for years, who is holding you like you’re the most precious thing in his world?

So she doesn’t say anything. She sits and lets herself be loved and be held. Later, she’ll go into the water. Later, she’ll push Taako’s head under the waves in a totally unforseen dunk. Later, she’ll sit around a bonfire, towel loosely wrapped around her waist, head leaning on her brother’s shoulder, hand held by her sister as Magnus plucks out a familiar tune on his guitar.

Right now, though, she sits, sun warm on her skin for the first time in years.

And she smiles.

And she breathes.

**Author's Note:**

> am i projecting? ...maybe
> 
> seriously though, please reach out if you're #goingthroughit. you are all so loved, and we all need that reminder sometimes.


End file.
